This is maybe one of the most cruel jobs in the world. You have to live your life in dark holes, never see the daylight. Your body is suffering from living in the same surrounding area all the time, bound to a complex machine that keeps you alive. And most people expect you to deliver brilliant work in very short times, not knowing anything about the stuff you are really dealing with. No, I am not talking about agents or vampire agents, but about the life of the real
programmers. We provide the stuff for todays information society and most people even do not know what RL-ressources we need to stay alive, so I decided to make a list to show you. Whenever you have to keep a coding-nerd alive or just want to make it happy, this CCCCC (not CCC) list is the ultimate list to provide everything it needs. I promise!
When we wake up (usually on our keyboard), we need some coffee to get started. Have you ever tried to drive a car without petrol? You have to be a magican to get to work that. Real Programmers are like cars. They will not drive without petrol. Whenever a programmer is becomming slower or even discontinues typing, that might be a sign that it is coffee time!
Usually the coffee times are the following:
At 6:66: Getting up (I know that this should be 7:06)
At 10:24: Eyelids collapsing...
At 13:37: Of course, its elite-time
At 20:48: The afternoon
At 01:01: Time for the final tasks
2. Cradle of Filth
Some individuals might deny that death metal is a necessary ressource for real programmers. Do not trust them. Chances are good that you are talking to a betrayer, a look-alike or a newbie totally unaware of what he is talking about. Or it is one of the black sheeps of the scene, is using dirty tricks to get arround that. A car does not only need petrol, it needs oil for its motor, too.
3. Crunchy Pizza
Sometimes we need something to eat. We want to have somthing hot and dirty, tasty and fast, too. So this is our preferred food.
There are no real non-smoking programmers. Because we barely ever change our physical position, there would always be a horrible smell arround us, which is lethal in less than a week. But cigarettes are not only programmers fragrance, they also give us the illusion to help with concentrating on our tasks. And last but not least, they legitimate us to spit on the floor all the time 🙂
5. Club mate
It is not possible to drink only coffee all the day. When we not drink coffee, we drink CLUB MATE, an energy drink that is much more unhealthier than coffee (but it tastes great). This is neither an advertisement, nor an attempt to trick you, it is just a fact. Who is the idiot who infected the scene with drinking that stuff? I do not know, but almost everybody is mate in the club, and it has become an essential.